Cleaning out the diaper bag, Ratigan-style

We are going on vacation next week, and so today, in an effort to not leave everything to the last minute, I sat down and cleaned out the diaper bag. You ready for this?


Things in the diaper bag that conceivably belong in a diaper bag:

(3) diapers
(1) 1 oz package of mini Ritz crackers
(2) packages of fruit snacks
(2) packages of tissues
(1) roll of small garbage bags
(1) sippy cup
(1) container off-brand Froot Loop-equivalent cereal
(2) changing mats, one disposable
(2) containers of baby wipes
(1) drawstring bag of toys, containing: orange stegosaurus, pirate finger puppet, bandana, ukulele keychain, bee finger puppet, Hello Kitty PEZ dispenser, action figure, slinky, tape measure, yo-yo, plastic stylus, wind-up Hello Kitty toy, container full of bread ties, and one bouncy ball
(1) passport
(1) birth certificate
$3 in cash

Things that are potentially useful, or might have served a purpose at one point, but don't really need to be in there now, or of which there are too many:

(6) ballpoint pens
(1) fine point permanent marker
(5) crayons
.29 oz grape PEZ
(1) Hello Kitty hair bow
(2) restaurant mints (currently being eaten)
(1) Always pad
(1) flash drive
(1) empty Ziploc container with lid, capacity 1 cup
(1) extra lid for said Ziploc container
(1) plastic spoon
(1) shirt, size 18 mos (outgrown)
(1) pair of pants, size 2T (outgrown)
(7) toothpicks


Garbage. Just pure garbage:

(1) baggage claim ticket, 7/9/15
(1) TSA Junior Officer sticker
(1) set of directions to I don't know where
(1) Mother's Day sacrament meeting program
(1) diagram of a resistor
Notes on how to stay awake during church
(1) business card for Milk Money Vodka
(10) receipts, various
(1) expired coupon for $3 off a 4-pk of Kleenex tissues
(1) white envelope
(1) NYT crossword puzzle (No. 0615), with directions to a karaoke place in Portland on the back
(7) pages of General Conference prop bets, submitted by the Teachers' Quorum
Popcorn. So much stray popcorn.
(1) gallon Ziploc bag full of partially eaten or empty 1 oz packages of mini Ritz crackers or mini Nilla Wafers
(1) empty gallon-sized Ziploc bag
(2) fruit snack package wrappers
(1) Starburst wrapper, cherry
(4) restaurant mint wrappers
(1) used bandaid, with accompanying cotton from a blood draw
(9) used tissues
(1) paper sailboat, broken in half
(1) flosser
(3) shopping lists

(1) lone Cheerio. (How? How was there only one?)

Anyway, here's to lightening the load.