Friday, March 8, 2013

Myopia and Crooked Teeth

I am curious to know what our baby will look like, but not in a giddy, expectant sort of way. No, if anything it's a dollop of dread combined with a "why can't I look away from this train wreck" sort of feel, because I know in my heart of hearts that Sam and I are not good-looking people (see below). I figure even if our kid manages to get the best each of us has to offer gene-wise, they will undoubtedly have some serious vision and dental problems.

So, as a taste of what's to come I thought I'd prepare you with some of my baby pictures. Brace yourselves.

Exhibit A:

Here I am at 1 month old. I am squishy and pink, which is to be expected, but I am also enormous (I came out 12 days late weighing 10 pounds), and, if my squinty eyes and clawed fist are any indication, my nature is extremely mistrustful.

Exhibit B:

This is me at six months. Pale, indistinct features. The relaxed slouch of a Colombian drug lord. Glasses, a protruding forehead, and a really top-notch blue leisure suit. Not much has changed, except I tragically outgrew that suit and have since grown some hair. Speaking of which...

Exhibit C:

Sweet jeepers will you look at that hairline. I thought surely some hair would disguise that forehead, but I hadn't counted on it only growing on the back of my head. I look like a balding Chucky doll.  I understand now why my mother made me wear not one, but two hats that year for Halloween.

And now, because you managed to look at all that, here is the best baby picture I have of myself:

I'm 8 months old, my Chucky hair hasn't yet come in, I'm wearing a cute little dress, and I'm already eating solidly solid food. (So what if it's clothespins?) This one gives me a smidgen of hope for the future.

Friday, March 1, 2013

14 week photo

For those of you dying for photos, here's a picture of me at 14 weeks: