Friday, March 31, 2017

Climbing the Cliffs of Insanity

An actual exchange Sam and I had a while back:

Sam (handing me a bottle): I mixed him up five ounces. If he drinks it, fine. If not, the sword.

me: I'm going to feed him left-handed.

Sam: You know what a hurry we're in!

me: It's the only way he can be satisfied. If I use my right — over too quickly.

Sam: Oh, have it your way.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

A tooth

Marty had his first tooth pop through this week, which goes a long way toward explaining his implacable fury. That, and the cold he's been coming down with, the poor boy.

Yes, Maranda, that's your bear. (Your bear, right? Man, it's been ten years and I still don't know who any of you are.) Tamsen took a crack at starting him on rice cereal this week, and while he wasn't even remotely interested in the mush, he was quite taken with the spoon, gnawing contentedly on it and refusing to let go. It makes me think we ought to install bars on his crib so he can gnaw on them and keep his teeth the proper length.

Edie really enjoys running around and jumping, especially when we go outside, which makes me feel bad that I don't go outside with her more often. Most of our outside time is limited to walking from the house to the garage. She runs around and jumps while Tamsen and I yell at her to get in the car or in the house. When we came home from church today, she ran to our front yard and sat on the stones by our big tree. I realized that maybe I ought to make some time for her to run around, so I sat on our porch while she ran around the yard for a while until she was content. (She thanked me later by peeing through her diaper and pants.)

Sunday, March 19, 2017


Marty spends quite a bit of his time in bed these days, not because he's sick or invalid or anything, but mostly because who among us wouldn't spend most of our time in bed if we had the chance?

We have more than a few pictures of Edie doing the exact same thing. If she woke up as I was heading to work, I would scoop her up from her crib and plop her in bed next to Tamsen before leaving to save her the trip across the house. Marty gets the same treatment.

Edie enjoys being in bed as much as the next person, but this week she took the unusual stop of running around the room in circles before tripping and flying into the bunk bed face first, clocking the ladder right against her eye.

Did you know that if you cut your eyebrow, a truly staggering amount of blood comes out? I, personally, did not! We got her patched up with just a band-aid once we stopped the bleeding, though it took about another half hour before I could get her to calm down and stop freaking out about the fact that she had a band-aid on her head. (The half hour consisted of my watching YouTube videos of marble runs and gently rocking her back and forth while she screamed "GET IT OFF" over and over. Parenting, man.)

We have good kids, and I promise I am absolutely not mistreating them despite any superficial wounds they may be sporting.

Sunday, March 12, 2017


I gave him a bath yesterday, honest I did, and yet somehow he still smells like someone left a bucket of wet corn chips to molder for a month, then left that mixture in the sun for another month, then baked it. And then hastily smeared baby shampoo over the top, which is to say maybe I didn't do such a great job with the bath last night.

I mean, we still like him. He's giggly, he's cuddly, he loves watching Edie run around the room, and he even sleeps okay at night sometimes, but man, does this dude reek. Sometimes I'll open his diaper and take a big sniff just for a pleasant change of pace.

Edie and I have a standing date to go grocery shopping every week. We talk about the things we're buying and putting in our cart, and she picks out produce for us. We've even progressed to the point where she doesn't point at the candy in the checkout aisle and scream when I don't buy it for her! Mostly because I preemptively promise her cookies we don't have!

She sure does look good in those sunglasses, though. Pity she refuses to wear them in the car, you know, where they might actually do some good.

Sunday, March 5, 2017


Edie, earlier today: I'm playing dress up. It's a hat and a blue scarf.

Marty, earlier today: eeeuuuullmmmmfffff, ggggbbbbbttptptpptptttppppp, thhhrrrrpppp, EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee